Transfer Talk Topic

[Holymoly]

3 hours ago, ROTG said:

TBH - keeping him at cobham during the tour of America has back fired, in the sense of the club should of ousted him during that period. One hope the TBSD do not do another Ziyech, in spending to much time chasing a player and forget about offloading problem Childs.

Yeah, becasue they've done such a rank job of getting rid of players this summer haven't they? The reason Lukaku is still here isn't for want of trying, its the fact that he's a fat money-grabbing waste of space. He's still here because no-one wants him. We literally can't give him away, clubs actually want us to pay them to take him off our hands. It would be cheaper to just rip up his contract.

[xceleryx]

33 minutes ago, Thiago97 said:

Caicedo, Adams and Lavia seems a bit overkill. Could we really sign all three of them as being reported ? I can only really see the need for 2 max.

As for Lukaku, the options are running out here. I come back to what I said a few weeks back, if we cannot striker a permanent deal for him, lets try and get him out on loan in the PL somewhere. He will score goals and that can work to our advantage against our rivals, whilst not being able to play against us.

I just don't see him sitting at Chelsea until January kicking his heels and training away from the first team. He may want the move to Italy, but if there are no genuine takers for him, then he has to consider what other options are available.

I actually think due to the slightly different circumstances at play here, we do have more leverage with how this is playing out. 

We could get to the final 7 days of the window and Lukaku and his team realise its basically Saudi on a mega deal for him, or somewhere else in Europe (Cannot see many options who can afford him) or push him towards a loan in the PL.

We will likely have to subsidise a chunk of wages, but if we could get £7-8million loan fee and park him somewhere like Villa, West Ham for a season , then it could just be a very smart deal for us.

Re the first part: With Nkunku out for months the thinking may extend to pushing Enzo a bit higher up the pitch, then having two of Caicedo, Adams or Lavia in the double pivot together. This could be seen as a better solution than say playing Chukwumeka, which is hard to argue against given how clumsy his end product within the final third has looked at times. 

Lavia also resembles more of an Enzo alternative than for that DM spot either Caicedo or Adams would hold, with his strengths being more on ball than defensive. 

As for Lukaku, his desire is Italy and until there's zero clubs from there trying to sign him I find it unlikely he opts to go anywhere else he doesn't want to be. You don't make this big of a fuss about returning and remaining in Italy only go go elsewhere that's of no interest. Until the Italian door shuts, it'll be his priority. Which may mean having to bide his time until January. 

With respects to a Premier League loan, I'd be shocked if that transpired because of the financials involved in trying to get any deal done. 

[Thiago97]

2 minutes ago, xceleryx said:

Re the first part: With Nkunku out for months the thinking may extend to pushing Enzo a bit higher up the pitch, then having two of Caicedo, Adams or Lavia in the double pivot together. This could be seen as a better solution than say playing Chukwumeka, which is hard to argue against given how clumsy his end product within the final third has looked at times. 

Lavia also resembles more of an Enzo alternative than for that DM spot either Caicedo or Adams would hold, with his strengths being more on ball than defensive. 

As for Lukaku, his desire is Italy and until there's zero clubs from there trying to sign him I find it unlikely he opts to go anywhere else he doesn't want to be. You don't make this big of a fuss about returning and remaining in Italy only go go elsewhere that's of no interest. Until the Italian door shuts, it'll be his priority. Which may mean having to bide his time until January. 

With respects to a Premier League loan, I'd be shocked if that transpired because of the financials involved in trying to get any deal done. 

I think this is a little harsh on Chukwuemka. I don't think he has really had enough chances to show what he can do yet, he is clearly talented and still learning the game for sure, but I think clumsy end product is a touch harsh based on a handful of games and sub appearences.

I get you completely with the Lukaka saga. I just think these are unusual circumstances and the way this has played out, is quite different to a standard transfer stand off between club and player. I cannot think of too many other examples where the player in question has alienated the club he wanted to go to. Whilst the only other option on the table in that country, don't have the resources to fund the deal right now and their own fans are making strong noises about not wanting him.

I just cannot see him being prepared to sit and wait until January. He must know himself he does not have the physical frame and body that allows him to train and sit on his arse for 5-6 months. Meanwhile, something it still going to have to change with Inter and Juve in January. Napoli have Osimhen , Roma may struggle to finance the deal, so it only leaves Milan really if they need reinforcements in Jan and may pursue a deal. That's very risky to sit waiting to see if you might be required.

So where normally the player has all the power, due to the unusual set of circumstances at play here. Lukaku is heading into a situation where he may have to accept what is on the table come the end of this month. He has played his hand early and thrown away all the leverage he had in this scenario. He really is reliant on Juve coming up with some way of funding the deal, whilst hoping the club are also paying zero attention to some of the fan base.

[Mark Kelly]

2 minutes ago, Thiago97 said:

I think this is a little harsh on Chukwuemka. I don't think he has really had enough chances to show what he can do yet, he is clearly talented and still learning the game for sure, but I think clumsy end product is a touch harsh based on a handful of games and sub appearences.

I get you completely with the Lukaka saga. I just think these are unusual circumstances and the way this has played out, is quite different to a standard transfer stand off between club and player. I cannot think of too many other examples where the player in question has alienated the club he wanted to go to. Whilst the only other option on the table in that country, don't have the resources to fund the deal right now and their own fans are making strong noises about not wanting him.

I just cannot see him being prepared to sit and wait until January. He must know himself he does not have the physical frame and body that allows him to train and sit on his arse for 5-6 months. Meanwhile, something it still going to have to change with Inter and Juve in January. Napoli have Osimhen , Roma may struggle to finance the deal, so it only leaves Milan really if they need reinforcements in Jan and may pursue a deal. That's very risky to sit waiting to see if you might be required.

So where normally the player has all the power, due to the unusual set of circumstances at play here. Lukaku is heading into a situation where he may have to accept what is on the table come the end of this month. He has played his hand early and thrown away all the leverage he had in this scenario. He really is reliant on Juve coming up with some way of funding the deal, whilst hoping the club are also paying zero attention to some of the fan base.

One thing you can say is that Lukaku's argent is doing a blinding job of finding him a new club. I'd be questioning their abilities if I were him.

[Chelsea_Matt]

The Lukaku thing was so unnecessary and so weird. It was set to be an amazing story. Here’s a kid returning to his genuine boyhood club in his prime and a lot of fans were excited. Lukaku was more experienced and improved. He started well and then for some reason it just imploded when he made a huge error in doing that interview. 

If he didn’t want to come here he didn’t have to sign the contract; he was already wealthy and no one could have forced him to do so. 

I’ll never understand it but here we are. Now we can’t get him off the books. 

[Chelsea_Matt]

4 minutes ago, Mark Kelly said:

One thing you can say is that Lukaku's argent is doing a blinding job of finding him a new club. I'd be questioning their abilities if I were him.

Maybe no one wants him?

[Morgs]

36 minutes ago, Holymoly said:

I watched his "highlight" reel the other day and my impression was that he is a split second away from a red card with many of his tackles. Take into account that if we got him he would probably try that little bit harder, timing goes off like Felix, and the fact that he would be playing for us, I could see him spending most of the season suspended. I can see the PGMOL rubbing their hands in anticipation.

Spot on.

Timeline....

Sent off after 18 minutes on his debut for breathing on an opposition player.  Player goes down in a heap and may not play again. Straight red for Caicedo. 

SkySports campaign for a ten match ban for violent breathing. Heartfelt IG/Snapchat videos from former pros urging the authorities to clamp down on this dangerous menace. 

Daily Mail hacks announce the day he does get a ten match ban that we paid ten million per game he was banned. Chelsea ruining football again obvs. 

Caicedo forced to apologise publicly and promise never to breathe violently again. Donates a month's salary to the family of the player he breathed on to hopefully help them in this difficult time of loss.

Labour back bencher MPs from the Wirral and Wigan, Runcorn and Middlesbrough all put a motion before parliament to ask for Caicedo, having committed a violent crime, be deported back to Equador.  Police suddenly inundated with calls from anonymous people with prediminately northern accents reporting Caicedo for having assaulted the player and demanding justice be served. 

Police show up, BT Sports and SkySports film crews in attendance, at Caicedo's mansion in Surrey to arrest him and bring him immediately to LHR where a chartered 777 is waiting to take him and Jamie Carragher (commentating on the whole thing live) to Quito and away from our impressionable young kids. 

Labour release a statement from Starmer stating that it is now clear "Labour is tough on grime and on negative influences for our youth, helping to create a better tomorrow"

Statement immediately retracted after it transpires that Diane Abbot wrote it and that Labour is supposed to be tough on crime, not hardened stains, grease and dried on dirt.

Chelsea are investigated for trying to claim on Caicedo's insurance policy for his fee, and the FA respond 0.2 seconds later with a 6 point deduction. Chelsea appeal. FA increase it to 9 points. 

Roger Waters releases a charity single calling for the eradication of the Zionist state (and for Caicedo to be beaten to death with bricks). From a wall.  It becomes the most successful Christmas number one in pop history, though the Dua Lipa and Ed Sheeran cover version release, less than a month later does less well.

Ken Loach announces he has secured 80m from a Chinese film studio to make a film of a screenplay of the event titled "THE DANGER IN FRONT OF US" with Denzel Washington signed to play Caicedo. Some query why the film has him decapitating the opposition player (played by Dame Judy Dench, in a wheelchair, playing a trans-athlete-turned-hard-working--northern-woriing-class-football-player-who-has-a-puppy-that-sits-on-her-grave-and-wont-leave-ever) with two machetes instead of the violent breathing etc, but these views are shouted down for being fascist and hard-right.  The actor signed to play Pochettino (an unknown American 10 year old who identifies as a fax machine) states on the film's release that "this is the most important piece of cinema we have seen in the last thirty years. It is a story every man, woman, child, fax machine and Stabilo Boss highlighter pen in the world should hear".

Greta Thunberg hits the headlines for calling Todd Boehly a "c***" on social media and calling on him to donate his billions to help stop climate change by paying it to her advisors who will invest it "into CO2 projects and like, trees and whales and s**t"

Boehly is denied a visa to the UK when trying to fly in a day later and can never return to watch his beloved Blues again. He is invited onto I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here but declines as he is afraid of Geordies. 

Caicedo is banished to live in a tree house on a small island in the middle of the Indian Ocean "for the good of humanity and to set an example to our young the world over that crime and evil will always be punished and never allowed to flourish" by the UN. 

Loach's huge budget sequel to "THE DANGER IN FRONT OF US" is released. It is "a scathing attack on the cancer that is rich people Chelsea Football Club and a call to eradicate all signs and forms of this evil institution from public life, and to pass all its trophies it has ever stolen back to Liverpool and Arsenal; their rightful owners".  

Chelsea are canceled. 

A company owned by Keir Starmer buys the land the Bridge sits on for a pound from the Government and builds a vast development of "affordable" flats, with an unprecedented 2 units from the 805 being built, being handed to the Chelsea local council for shared ownership schemes. At the centre is a vast 120m high bronze statue of what looks like four men in a loving embrace, reaching towards the sky in hope and determination. This is declared the single greatest piece of installed art in human history and the ownership company charges everyone forty quid a look. All funds going to help poor MPs. 

Starmer gets hammered on shop-brand brandy at the three day long gala street party to celebrate the end of Chelsea Football Club and blurts out to a not-very-shocked media that the four men are supposed to be Arthur Scargill, Neil Kinnock, Jeremy Corbyn and Xi Jinping.  The Guardian spontaneously combusts in a fit of lathered up foaming self abuse.

His rambling speech on "eradicating corruption, evil and mendacity" from our society is widely lauded. 

Caicedo is bitten by a snake on his island and dies.  Megan Rapinoe hails this development as "a great day for women's soccer". 

Boehly gets bored of being called "Darth Bobbly" and pulls all his investments out the UK. 

The word "Chelsea" is banned under "the Voldemort law" and mentioning it carries a fine and possible prison sentence from the UK police. The boroughs of Chelsea, the flower show, the Bridge and the style of boots with the same name are all also canceled by association for being "bourgeoisie hallmarks of a failed capitalist system" and everyone who lives there, goes there or wears the boots is forcibly transported to a work camp gulag near Skegness.  

So ends the ballad of the greatest football team that the world has ever seen. 

CAREFREE. 

 

[Sciatika]

We have to constantly keep in mind that he will cost us about £58.5m in wages over the remainder of his contract. However, his BV is about the same. If we let him go for nothing, we would remove a future liability, which is about the same as his current asset value. Unless they fully cover his wages and other costs, loans are of no use to us. If we swapped him for nothing with Juve, we would lower our wage costs and our depreciation payments. How much are we prepared to pay Juve to get rid of him?

[xceleryx]

37 minutes ago, Thiago97 said:

I think this is a little harsh on Chukwuemka. I don't think he has really had enough chances to show what he can do yet, he is clearly talented and still learning the game for sure, but I think clumsy end product is a touch harsh based on a handful of games and sub appearences.

I get you completely with the Lukaka saga. I just think these are unusual circumstances and the way this has played out, is quite different to a standard transfer stand off between club and player. I cannot think of too many other examples where the player in question has alienated the club he wanted to go to. Whilst the only other option on the table in that country, don't have the resources to fund the deal right now and their own fans are making strong noises about not wanting him.

I just cannot see him being prepared to sit and wait until January. He must know himself he does not have the physical frame and body that allows him to train and sit on his arse for 5-6 months. Meanwhile, something it still going to have to change with Inter and Juve in January. Napoli have Osimhen , Roma may struggle to finance the deal, so it only leaves Milan really if they need reinforcements in Jan and may pursue a deal. That's very risky to sit waiting to see if you might be required.

So where normally the player has all the power, due to the unusual set of circumstances at play here. Lukaku is heading into a situation where he may have to accept what is on the table come the end of this month. He has played his hand early and thrown away all the leverage he had in this scenario. He really is reliant on Juve coming up with some way of funding the deal, whilst hoping the club are also paying zero attention to some of the fan base.

I wouldn't' necessarily say it's harsh but more just recognising where Chukwuemeka is right now as a player. That's no knock on him overall, he's quite evidently talented, but equally also considerably raw. If we're throwing him in to be our starting #10 until Nkunku returns then I do think that's a pretty big issue and weak point given where he's at right now, and what we really need from a player in that role. 

The Lukaku saga is certainly a more unique situation. Even in a perfect world he's hard to shift just purely based on the financials, to throw in everything else on top and his specific desire to be in Italy further complicates matters. 

I can understand sitting around may be a risk on his behalf, and his options within Serie A are extremely limited, but it's also one he may feel is worth taking in the short term. It's not as if he's earning peanuts right now, so the money offered in the Saudi leagues may not quite have the same appeal - even if it would likely end up being significantly more he could earn. As a player, and a striker, Lukaku is arguably in what is seen as ones prime years at 30. He could quite easily still be a 20 a season scorer in a top league for another couple of years fitness permitting, so to virtually wrap things up and leave Europe now may be seen as premature. 

Of course, if a return to Italy falls through and it's either us or the Saudi league then he may need to reconsider, but based on how he's conducted himself and the lengths he's gone to for a return to Italy and shut down any Saudi move, I could see him showcase a willingness to wait things out until January where other competitive opportunities may present. 

I suppose we'll see in due course what happens, it's a complex situation that unlikely gets resolved until the very end of the window - if at all.

[Ham]

5 minutes ago, Morgs said:

Spot on.

Timeline....

Sent off after 18 minutes on his debut for breathing on an opposition player.  Player goes down in a heap and may not play again. Straight red for Caicedo. 

SkySports campaign for a ten match ban for violent breathing. Heartfelt IG/Snapchat videos from former pros urging the authorities to clamp down on this dangerous menace. 

Daily Mail hacks announce the day he does get a ten match ban that we paid ten million per game he was banned. Chelsea ruining football again obvs. 

Caicedo forced to apologise publicly and promise never to breathe violently again. Donates a month's salary to the family of the player he breathed on to hopefully help them in this difficult time of loss.

Labour back bencher MPs from the Wirral and Wigan, Runcorn and Middlesbrough all put a motion before parliament to ask for Caicedo, having committed a violent crime, be deported back to Equador.  Police suddenly inundated with calls from anonymous people with prediminately northern accents reporting Caicedo for having assaulted the player and demanding justice be served. 

Police show up, BT Sports and SkySports film crews in attendance, at Caicedo's mansion in Surrey to arrest him and bring him immediately to LHR where a chartered 777 is waiting to take him and Jamie Carragher (commentating on the whole thing live) to Quito and away from our impressionable young kids. 

Labour release a statement from Starmer stating that it is now clear "Labour is tough on grime and on negative influences for our youth, helping to create a better tomorrow"

Statement immediately retracted after it transpires that Diane Abbot wrote it and that Labour is supposed to be tough on crime, not hardened stains, grease and dried on dirt.

Chelsea are investigated for trying to claim on Caicedo's insurance policy for his fee, and the FA respond 0.2 seconds later with a 6 point deduction. Chelsea appeal. FA increase it to 9 points. 

Roger Waters releases a charity single calling for the eradication of the Zionist state (and for Caicedo to be beaten to death with bricks). From a wall.  It becomes the most successful Christmas number one in pop history, though the Dua Lipa and Ed Sheeran cover version release, less than a month later does less well.

Ken Loach announces he has secured 80m from a Chinese film studio to make a film of a screenplay of the event titled "THE DANGER IN FRONT OF US" with Denzel Washington signed to play Caicedo. Some query why the film has him decapitating the opposition player (played by Dame Judy Dench, in a wheelchair, playing a trans-athlete-turned-hard-working--northern-woriing-class-football-player-who-has-a-puppy-that-sits-on-her-grave-and-wont-leave-ever) with two machetes instead of the violent breathing etc, but these views are shouted down for being fascist and hard-right.  The actor signed to play Pochettino (an unknown American 10 year old who identifies as a fax machine) states on the film's release that "this is the most important piece of cinema we have seen in the last thirty years. It is a story every man, woman, child, fax machine and Stabilo Boss highlighter pen in the world should hear".

Greta Thunberg hits the headlines for calling Todd Boehly a "c***" on social media and calling on him to donate his billions to help stop climate change by paying it to her advisors who will invest it "into CO2 projects and like, trees and whales and s**t"

Boehly is denied a visa to the UK when trying to fly in a day later and can never return to watch his beloved Blues again. He is invited onto I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here but declines as he is afraid of Geordies. 

Caicedo is banished to live in a tree house on a small island in the middle of the Indian Ocean "for the good of humanity and to set an example to our young the world over that crime and evil will always be punished and never allowed to flourish" by the UN. 

Loach's huge budget sequel to "THE DANGER IN FRONT OF US" is released. It is "a scathing attack on the cancer that is rich people Chelsea Football Club and a call to eradicate all signs and forms of this evil institution from public life, and to pass all its trophies it has ever stolen back to Liverpool and Arsenal; their rightful owners".  

Chelsea are canceled. 

A company owned by Keir Starmer buys the land the Bridge sits on for a pound from the Government and builds a vast development of "affordable" flats, with an unprecedented 2 units from the 805 being built, being handed to the Chelsea local council for shared ownership schemes. At the centre is a vast 120m high bronze statue of what looks like four men in a loving embrace, reaching towards the sky in hope and determination. This is declared the single greatest piece of installed art in human history and the ownership company charges everyone forty quid a look. All funds going to help poor MPs. 

Starmer gets hammered on shop-brand brandy at the three day long gala street party to celebrate the end of Chelsea Football Club and blurts out to a not-very-shocked media that the four men are supposed to be Arthur Scargill, Neil Kinnock, Jeremy Corbyn and Xi Jinping.  The Guardian spontaneously combusts in a fit of lathered up foaming self abuse.

His rambling speech on "eradicating corruption, evil and mendacity" from our society is widely lauded. 

Caicedo is bitten by a snake on his island and dies.  Megan Rapinoe hails this development as "a great day for women's soccer". 

Boehly gets bored of being called "Darth Bobbly" and pulls all his investments out the UK. 

The word "Chelsea" is banned under "the Voldemort law" and mentioning it carries a fine and possible prison sentence from the UK police. The boroughs of Chelsea, the flower show, the Bridge and the style of boots with the same name are all also canceled by association for being "bourgeoisie hallmarks of a failed capitalist system" and everyone who lives there, goes there or wears the boots is forcibly transported to a work camp gulag near Skegness.  

So ends the ballad of the greatest football team that the world has ever seen. 

CAREFREE. 

 

You have toooo much time on your hands 😂

[xceleryx]

44 minutes ago, Mark Kelly said:

One thing you can say is that Lukaku's argent is doing a blinding job of finding him a new club. I'd be questioning their abilities if I were him.

He's got a specific want, Serie A.  A league that has no money, while also contracted to a club that operates in a league that's ahead of everyone else financially. As best there's two or three clubs that could take him on with financial help and sacrifice, and that's half the problem.The disparity between the Premier League and others makes it a greater challenge to find buyers while recouping costs. 

 

[Original 21]

Kepa loan deal? What’s that about? 

[Blue Kratos]

8 minutes ago, Original 21 said:

Kepa loan deal? What’s that about? 

Couldn't stop laughing with that last sentence.

Edited August 10, 2023 by Blue Kratos

[My Blood Is Blue]

19 minutes ago, Original 21 said:

Kepa loan deal? What’s that about? 

This is so bizarre. Why would Bayern want him (I understand why they need a GK, just surprised it would be Kepa)?! Why would we be willing to let him go this close to the start of the season?! Unless he's got upset with the Sanchez signing, but I can't believe that's been the case after he 'fought his way back' to get ahead of Mendy, he clearly has the mentality to fight for his place.

If we let him go, we obviously then need to go out and get someone else in, but will the club look to go big and get in a genuine number 1, or go with Sanchez and try and find a backup? I also have no idea who that genuine number 1 could be at this point and whoever it is, will not come cheap! Risky situation to potentially put ourselves in only days before we kick the season off.

[Mark Kelly]

7 minutes ago, My Blood Is Blue said:

This is so bizarre. Why would Bayern want him (I understand why they need a GK, just surprised it would be Kepa)?! Why would we be willing to let him go this close to the start of the season?! Unless he's got upset with the Sanchez signing, but I can't believe that's been the case after he 'fought his way back' to get ahead of Mendy, he clearly has the mentality to fight for his place.

If we let him go, we obviously then need to go out and get someone else in, but will the club look to go big and get in a genuine number 1, or go with Sanchez and try and find a backup? I also have no idea who that genuine number 1 could be at this point and whoever it is, will not come cheap! Risky situation to potentially put ourselves in only days before we kick the season off.

I quite like Kepa , I think he's got his issues but he's a decent keeper , I just think the club are happy to get his wages off the books and buy someone they think is better suited to how they want us to play . 

[Mark Kelly]

Looks like Kane is off to Bayern Munich by all the reports coming through and we have triggered the £20m release clause for Tyler Adams and outbid Liverpool for Southampton's Lavia , so maybe the club have told Brighton to stick it with regards to Caicedo .

[paulw66]

3 minutes ago, Mark Kelly said:

Looks like Kane is off to Bayern Munich by all the reports coming through and we have triggered the £20m release clause for Tyler Adams and outbid Liverpool for Southampton's Lavia , so maybe the club have told Brighton to stick it with regards to Caicedo .

It's all kicking off mate! I can't see us not buying Caicedo, now the player is refusing to play etc. I think it will buy Adams if we can't get Lavia, but not both. 

That said, I honestly have no idea! If Kepa goes, then we'll need a new GK. Who that is, I don't know

Kane to Bayern. My word..........they are screwed!! 

[paulw66]

Er ist einer von uns,

Er ist einer von uns............

Harry Kane 

Er ist einer von uns

[paulw66]

Allegedly Liverpool have outbid us for Caicedo!

It's all too much.

[Chelsea_Matt]

1 hour ago, Morgs said:

Spot on.

Timeline....

Sent off after 18 minutes on his debut for breathing on an opposition player.  Player goes down in a heap and may not play again. Straight red for Caicedo. 

SkySports campaign for a ten match ban for violent breathing. Heartfelt IG/Snapchat videos from former pros urging the authorities to clamp down on this dangerous menace. 

Daily Mail hacks announce the day he does get a ten match ban that we paid ten million per game he was banned. Chelsea ruining football again obvs. 

Caicedo forced to apologise publicly and promise never to breathe violently again. Donates a month's salary to the family of the player he breathed on to hopefully help them in this difficult time of loss.

Labour back bencher MPs from the Wirral and Wigan, Runcorn and Middlesbrough all put a motion before parliament to ask for Caicedo, having committed a violent crime, be deported back to Equador.  Police suddenly inundated with calls from anonymous people with prediminately northern accents reporting Caicedo for having assaulted the player and demanding justice be served. 

Police show up, BT Sports and SkySports film crews in attendance, at Caicedo's mansion in Surrey to arrest him and bring him immediately to LHR where a chartered 777 is waiting to take him and Jamie Carragher (commentating on the whole thing live) to Quito and away from our impressionable young kids. 

Labour release a statement from Starmer stating that it is now clear "Labour is tough on grime and on negative influences for our youth, helping to create a better tomorrow"

Statement immediately retracted after it transpires that Diane Abbot wrote it and that Labour is supposed to be tough on crime, not hardened stains, grease and dried on dirt.

Chelsea are investigated for trying to claim on Caicedo's insurance policy for his fee, and the FA respond 0.2 seconds later with a 6 point deduction. Chelsea appeal. FA increase it to 9 points. 

Roger Waters releases a charity single calling for the eradication of the Zionist state (and for Caicedo to be beaten to death with bricks). From a wall.  It becomes the most successful Christmas number one in pop history, though the Dua Lipa and Ed Sheeran cover version release, less than a month later does less well.

Ken Loach announces he has secured 80m from a Chinese film studio to make a film of a screenplay of the event titled "THE DANGER IN FRONT OF US" with Denzel Washington signed to play Caicedo. Some query why the film has him decapitating the opposition player (played by Dame Judy Dench, in a wheelchair, playing a trans-athlete-turned-hard-working--northern-woriing-class-football-player-who-has-a-puppy-that-sits-on-her-grave-and-wont-leave-ever) with two machetes instead of the violent breathing etc, but these views are shouted down for being fascist and hard-right.  The actor signed to play Pochettino (an unknown American 10 year old who identifies as a fax machine) states on the film's release that "this is the most important piece of cinema we have seen in the last thirty years. It is a story every man, woman, child, fax machine and Stabilo Boss highlighter pen in the world should hear".

Greta Thunberg hits the headlines for calling Todd Boehly a "c***" on social media and calling on him to donate his billions to help stop climate change by paying it to her advisors who will invest it "into CO2 projects and like, trees and whales and s**t"

Boehly is denied a visa to the UK when trying to fly in a day later and can never return to watch his beloved Blues again. He is invited onto I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here but declines as he is afraid of Geordies. 

Caicedo is banished to live in a tree house on a small island in the middle of the Indian Ocean "for the good of humanity and to set an example to our young the world over that crime and evil will always be punished and never allowed to flourish" by the UN. 

Loach's huge budget sequel to "THE DANGER IN FRONT OF US" is released. It is "a scathing attack on the cancer that is rich people Chelsea Football Club and a call to eradicate all signs and forms of this evil institution from public life, and to pass all its trophies it has ever stolen back to Liverpool and Arsenal; their rightful owners".  

Chelsea are canceled. 

A company owned by Keir Starmer buys the land the Bridge sits on for a pound from the Government and builds a vast development of "affordable" flats, with an unprecedented 2 units from the 805 being built, being handed to the Chelsea local council for shared ownership schemes. At the centre is a vast 120m high bronze statue of what looks like four men in a loving embrace, reaching towards the sky in hope and determination. This is declared the single greatest piece of installed art in human history and the ownership company charges everyone forty quid a look. All funds going to help poor MPs. 

Starmer gets hammered on shop-brand brandy at the three day long gala street party to celebrate the end of Chelsea Football Club and blurts out to a not-very-shocked media that the four men are supposed to be Arthur Scargill, Neil Kinnock, Jeremy Corbyn and Xi Jinping.  The Guardian spontaneously combusts in a fit of lathered up foaming self abuse.

His rambling speech on "eradicating corruption, evil and mendacity" from our society is widely lauded. 

Caicedo is bitten by a snake on his island and dies.  Megan Rapinoe hails this development as "a great day for women's soccer". 

Boehly gets bored of being called "Darth Bobbly" and pulls all his investments out the UK. 

The word "Chelsea" is banned under "the Voldemort law" and mentioning it carries a fine and possible prison sentence from the UK police. The boroughs of Chelsea, the flower show, the Bridge and the style of boots with the same name are all also canceled by association for being "bourgeoisie hallmarks of a failed capitalist system" and everyone who lives there, goes there or wears the boots is forcibly transported to a work camp gulag near Skegness.  

So ends the ballad of the greatest football team that the world has ever seen. 

CAREFREE. 

 

Best post I’ve ever read. 🤣 And not far from the truth! Good work, Morgerino. Good work. 

[Bones]

Maybe Sanchez was meant to replace Kepa.
 

Our owners are business focused - if you get the same stats as GK just cheaper why not replace the GK.

And perhaps praising Kepa and playing him during preseason was just a masquarade to find a buyer.

[Miguelito07]

6 minutes ago, paulw66 said:

Allegedly Liverpool have outbid us for Caicedo!

It's all too much.

£100m? They can have him.

so much for the discussions with Brighton over the summer 🤦🏻‍♂️

 

[Holymoly]

1 hour ago, Morgs said:

Greta Thunberg hits the headlines for calling Todd Boehly a "c***" on social media and calling on him to donate his billions to help stop climate change by paying it to her advisors who will invest it "into CO2 projects

I think your post itself should be made into a film. Referencing the snip above however I wonder how many climate activists appreciate that the majority of "green" projects depend on petroleum byproducts (plastics, electronics etc) in their contruction? Anyway, I'm touched that my post inspired your screenplay and I'm prepared to accept 10% of the gross earnings.

[Holymoly]

13 minutes ago, paulw66 said:

Er ist einer von uns,

Er ist einer von uns............

Harry Kane 

Er ist einer von uns

Or as Rammstein so succinctly put it...

Du,

Du hast,

Du hast mich

[Mark Kelly]

1 hour ago, Morgs said:

Spot on.

Timeline....

Sent off after 18 minutes on his debut for breathing on an opposition player.  Player goes down in a heap and may not play again. Straight red for Caicedo. 

SkySports campaign for a ten match ban for violent breathing. Heartfelt IG/Snapchat videos from former pros urging the authorities to clamp down on this dangerous menace. 

Daily Mail hacks announce the day he does get a ten match ban that we paid ten million per game he was banned. Chelsea ruining football again obvs. 

Caicedo forced to apologise publicly and promise never to breathe violently again. Donates a month's salary to the family of the player he breathed on to hopefully help them in this difficult time of loss.

Labour back bencher MPs from the Wirral and Wigan, Runcorn and Middlesbrough all put a motion before parliament to ask for Caicedo, having committed a violent crime, be deported back to Equador.  Police suddenly inundated with calls from anonymous people with prediminately northern accents reporting Caicedo for having assaulted the player and demanding justice be served. 

Police show up, BT Sports and SkySports film crews in attendance, at Caicedo's mansion in Surrey to arrest him and bring him immediately to LHR where a chartered 777 is waiting to take him and Jamie Carragher (commentating on the whole thing live) to Quito and away from our impressionable young kids. 

Labour release a statement from Starmer stating that it is now clear "Labour is tough on grime and on negative influences for our youth, helping to create a better tomorrow"

Statement immediately retracted after it transpires that Diane Abbot wrote it and that Labour is supposed to be tough on crime, not hardened stains, grease and dried on dirt.

Chelsea are investigated for trying to claim on Caicedo's insurance policy for his fee, and the FA respond 0.2 seconds later with a 6 point deduction. Chelsea appeal. FA increase it to 9 points. 

Roger Waters releases a charity single calling for the eradication of the Zionist state (and for Caicedo to be beaten to death with bricks). From a wall.  It becomes the most successful Christmas number one in pop history, though the Dua Lipa and Ed Sheeran cover version release, less than a month later does less well.

Ken Loach announces he has secured 80m from a Chinese film studio to make a film of a screenplay of the event titled "THE DANGER IN FRONT OF US" with Denzel Washington signed to play Caicedo. Some query why the film has him decapitating the opposition player (played by Dame Judy Dench, in a wheelchair, playing a trans-athlete-turned-hard-working--northern-woriing-class-football-player-who-has-a-puppy-that-sits-on-her-grave-and-wont-leave-ever) with two machetes instead of the violent breathing etc, but these views are shouted down for being fascist and hard-right.  The actor signed to play Pochettino (an unknown American 10 year old who identifies as a fax machine) states on the film's release that "this is the most important piece of cinema we have seen in the last thirty years. It is a story every man, woman, child, fax machine and Stabilo Boss highlighter pen in the world should hear".

Greta Thunberg hits the headlines for calling Todd Boehly a "c***" on social media and calling on him to donate his billions to help stop climate change by paying it to her advisors who will invest it "into CO2 projects and like, trees and whales and s**t"

Boehly is denied a visa to the UK when trying to fly in a day later and can never return to watch his beloved Blues again. He is invited onto I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here but declines as he is afraid of Geordies. 

Caicedo is banished to live in a tree house on a small island in the middle of the Indian Ocean "for the good of humanity and to set an example to our young the world over that crime and evil will always be punished and never allowed to flourish" by the UN. 

Loach's huge budget sequel to "THE DANGER IN FRONT OF US" is released. It is "a scathing attack on the cancer that is rich people Chelsea Football Club and a call to eradicate all signs and forms of this evil institution from public life, and to pass all its trophies it has ever stolen back to Liverpool and Arsenal; their rightful owners".  

Chelsea are canceled. 

A company owned by Keir Starmer buys the land the Bridge sits on for a pound from the Government and builds a vast development of "affordable" flats, with an unprecedented 2 units from the 805 being built, being handed to the Chelsea local council for shared ownership schemes. At the centre is a vast 120m high bronze statue of what looks like four men in a loving embrace, reaching towards the sky in hope and determination. This is declared the single greatest piece of installed art in human history and the ownership company charges everyone forty quid a look. All funds going to help poor MPs. 

Starmer gets hammered on shop-brand brandy at the three day long gala street party to celebrate the end of Chelsea Football Club and blurts out to a not-very-shocked media that the four men are supposed to be Arthur Scargill, Neil Kinnock, Jeremy Corbyn and Xi Jinping.  The Guardian spontaneously combusts in a fit of lathered up foaming self abuse.

His rambling speech on "eradicating corruption, evil and mendacity" from our society is widely lauded. 

Caicedo is bitten by a snake on his island and dies.  Megan Rapinoe hails this development as "a great day for women's soccer". 

Boehly gets bored of being called "Darth Bobbly" and pulls all his investments out the UK. 

The word "Chelsea" is banned under "the Voldemort law" and mentioning it carries a fine and possible prison sentence from the UK police. The boroughs of Chelsea, the flower show, the Bridge and the style of boots with the same name are all also canceled by association for being "bourgeoisie hallmarks of a failed capitalist system" and everyone who lives there, goes there or wears the boots is forcibly transported to a work camp gulag near Skegness.  

So ends the ballad of the greatest football team that the world has ever seen. 

CAREFREE. 

 

Brilliant and very funny but won't actually happen seeing as he's off to Liverpool now apparently , so he'll be proclaimed the finest player the World has ever seen , who grew up on this Grandfathers knee in Ecuador listening to Liverpool's eighties triumphs and a true red , after a year , Klopp will come out and reinforce the fact that they brought him through the youth team like all those other players Liverpool never buy as they do things differently there and it means more because of it.